I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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