I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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