You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
