yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
