yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
