What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
