the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My bed smells like the plague
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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