First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
