Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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