she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
