she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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