i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
