my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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