Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
