I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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