I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
