I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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