all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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