Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
