first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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