he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
