Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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