he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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