Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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  (334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh
  Replies (50) Good night (3021) Bad night (1084)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air

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  (952): You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air http://tfl.nu/002i
  Replies (6) Good night (1398) Bad night (4042)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds

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  (269): We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds http://tfl.nu/v47x
  Replies (15) Good night (6949) Bad night (691)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.

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  (313): Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack. http://tfl.nu/j0gt
  Replies (20) Good night (4685) Bad night (1112)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

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  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (24) Good night (6913) Bad night (1156)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.

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  (612): These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit. http://tfl.nu/pqn2
  Replies (9) Good night (1443) Bad night (4027)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.

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  (203): There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper. http://tfl.nu/r5h8
  Replies (11) Good night (3189) Bad night (1898)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

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  (732): It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes. http://tfl.nu/jz1i
  Replies (11) Good night (984) Bad night (2948)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things

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  (319): Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things http://tfl.nu/stlu
  Replies (5) Good night (1286) Bad night (625)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement

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  (231): I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement http://tfl.nu/2xwy
  Replies (6) Good night (1884) Bad night (593)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it

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  (561): There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it http://tfl.nu/iil4
  Replies (8) Good night (1301) Bad night (579)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.

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  (267): I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses. http://tfl.nu/97k7
  Replies (3) Good night (1298) Bad night (492)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.

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  (740): I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes. http://tfl.nu/v5b0
  Replies (4) Good night (913) Bad night (497)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.

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  (660): He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/eb59
  Replies (5) Good night (840) Bad night (402)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?

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  (734): Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up? http://tfl.nu/3eiv
  Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (147)

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