I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's the barista slut.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.