A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?