Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.