so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize