i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
