what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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