giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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