Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
