Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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