So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
