Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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