I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
