Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He has the fingertips of a God
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