i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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