My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
