someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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