morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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