You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
