The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
