I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
