help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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