If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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