im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
