i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
