Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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