she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
