I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you would pick up someone in the library
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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