Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize