I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
