shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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