I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
