I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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