It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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