so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
