I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
