He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
