he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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