how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
